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A Karaoke King laments.
[VERSE 1] I walked in here like thunder, I signed up for my slot They handed me my number and they said I’d get a shot I smoothed my hair back, cracked my knuckles, cleared my throat real wide Then reached down for the microphone and found a bottle of Hite
They say my voice is velvet, my pitch is true Sometimes the girls scream, sometimes they boo I’d love to show you if only I could find that mike… Instead I’m holding Cass Light and it’s only nine at night
[CHORUS] Where’d the mike go?! Where’d the mike go?! I set it down for THREE WHOLE SECONDS, now it’s gone, I don’t know Where’d the mike go?! I am the KARAOKE KING I should be up here singing, not just… gesturing Where’d the mike go?!
[VERSE 2] Last Tuesday I had “My Way” all lined up, notes rehearsed The first three words were perfect — then my grip was reversed Somebody swapped it sneaky, while my eyes were on the screen Now I’m crooning into OB Lager like I’m living in a dream
The DJ knows my name here, the waitress knows my song She also knows to bring me shots whenever things go wrong Which is why I’m six soju in and haven’t sung a note Just standing here like Sinatra — with a bottle at my throat
[CHORUS] Where’d the mike go?! Where’d the mike go?! I practiced “Killing Me Softly” for a WEEK — don’t you know?! Where’d the mike go?! I am the KARAOKE KING I got the stance, I got the ring — I got NOTHING Where’d the mike go?!
[BRIDGE — spoken word, gravelly and indignant] Now listen here… I have performed in rooms from Hongdae to Itaewon I have made grown men weep with my rendition of “Endless Love” …the second half, anyway Because by the time I get to the chorus — POOF Green bottle. Every. Time. You think this is funny? You think the Karaoke King is a JOKE? I came here to SING (long pause) …is this a Chamisul? Okay fine I’ll have a sip— NO. NO. FOCUS.
[VERSE 3] I once held a microphone for forty solid minutes straight I guarded it like treasure, I did not deviate I sang twelve songs back-to-back, not one drop touched my lips Then someone said “you’re incredible” and I loosened up my grip
(dramatic pause)
It was a setup.
The mike was gone before the compliment was done Replaced by something cold and gold — I think it weighed a ton Now I’m raising up a Hite can to the ceiling and the crowd And everybody’s cheering but nobody’s singing loud
[FINAL CHORUS — BIG RASPY BELT] Where’d the mike go?! WHERE’D THE MIKE GO?! I’ve lost seventeen microphones in seven months, you know! Where’d the mike go?! I am the KARAOKE KING And I demand— I insist— I implore— I’m begging— WHERE’D THE MIKE GO?!
[OUTRO — slow, defeated, tender] Maybe the mike… was inside me all along… (long pause) No it wasn’t, someone took it, this is a CRIME I want my mike BACK I am the Karaoke… (voice trails off) …anybody got another soju?
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