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Can you really be hot if you aren’t keeping up with the latest beauty treatments and trends?
VERSE 1
(dry, matter-of-fact delivery — like reading off a to-do list)
Wake up at five, gotta start the ritual
Sheet mask on, seven steps, habitual
Snail mucin, fermented rice water
My mother said beauty requires order
Double cleanse, then the essence goes first
Toner, ampoule, hydrating mist burst
But now TikTok says I need a gua sha stone
And glass skin trending — girl, I can’t be cloned
PRE-CHORUS
(building frustration, melody rising)
And now they’re saying
Try the bird’s nest, try the collagen
Thread your brows the Chinese way, Korean way
There’s always another way
CHORUS
(full, anthem-like, slightly unhinged energy)
Oh it’s the hot Asian woman’s burden
Forty steps deep and I’m still not certain
Slugging? Cushion? Fermented serum?
My bathroom shelf is a whole museum
Rice bran, pearl powder, ginkgo leaf
Is this skincare or is this a belief?
I just wanted to moisturize my face
Now I need a spreadsheet and storage space
VERSE 2
(faster, more anxious delivery)
Jade roller first or after the vitamin C?
Niacinamide clashes — someone explain it to me
Seoul said brightening, Tokyo said matte
Shanghai said dewy — I can’t balance all that
Now the aunties want me doing gua sha for my jaw
And a face yoga class on Tuesday morning raw
Japanese sunscreen, minimum SPF 50
My schedule’s not a routine — it’s a city
PRE-CHORUS
(same melody, slightly more breathless)
And everybody’s posting
Try the mugwort, try the propolis
Snail filtrate, donkey milk, and tremella — this
is more than I can live
CHORUS
(full belt)
Oh it’s the hot Asian woman’s burden
Forty steps deep and I’m still not certain
Slugging? Cushion? Fermented serum?
My bathroom shelf is a whole museum
Rice bran, pearl powder, ginkgo leaf
Is this skincare or is this a belief?
I just wanted to moisturize my face
Now I need a spreadsheet and storage space
BRIDGE
(deadpan rap / spoken word — slight comic exhaustion)
Monday: double cleanse, tone, essence, two serums, eye cream, moisturize, sunscreen
Tuesday: add the retinol — but not with the acids — never with the acids
Wednesday: sheet mask, ampoule, gua sha, face massage fifteen minutes minimum
Thursday: I read that red light therapy and microcurrent at the same time might cause…
Friday: I give up — no wait — I watched a new video —
Saturday: mugwort steam, volcanic ash, apricot kernel, mung bean, snail again
Sunday: rest day. Just kidding. Centella. Always centella.
(deep breath)
And I still haven’t started on the hair.
FINAL CHORUS
(ironic orchestral swell, choir-like backing vocals, slightly chaotic and triumphant)
Oh it’s the hot Asian woman’s burden
A hundred trends deep and the timeline’s certain
There’ll be a new one — by Thursday morning
Some root from a dynasty — without warning
Rice bran, pearl powder, ginkgo leaf
I’ve turned my bathroom into a reef
I just wanted to take care of my face
But apparently that requires infinite grace
OUTRO
(exhausted, stripped back, just voice and guzheng)
I look amazing though…
(pause)
I think…
(longer pause)
There’s a new serum dropping next week.
I already bought it.
[fade out]
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